If Librarians Could Talk Back

Sometimes I really wish I could say these things to patrons at the library. Ok maybe I've actually said a few of them.

Disclaimer: These are just thoughts when I get frustrated. Customer service can often be a challenge. As a general rule I love helping people.

• Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on mine.
• We are not an office supply store.
• No, I won't loan you some batteries. Why would you even think I would?
• Grow up.
• I am not your slave.
• No, I will not do your homework for you.
• Your child is a crazy monster who was climbing the shelves over there. If you were paying any attention at all, you would have seen this.
• Just because we are a nonprofit organization does not mean that you only have to follow the rules you want. Nor do I have to do everything you say.
• No, I am not just a volunteer I actually have to have a degree to work here.
• No, I cannot help you with that online game that you have been playing for the last 4 hours. I actually have work to do. Unlike you, obviously.
• What part of this is a library and therefore should be quiet is so hard to understand?
• Just because I am a woman does not mean you don't have to listen to me.
• No, I do not want to hear about how eating lunch meat can kill you.
• No, I do not want to hear about how we should ban all Muslems from immigrating to the US.
• No, I do not want to hear that stupid joke about getting a free internet pass EVERY time you come to the desk
• I am a human being. Please do not throw your money or library card at me.
• We DO have a list of all the DVDs owned by the Library. It's called the catalog. 
• We are not your free babysitters.
• I'm sorry you didn't get that COURTESY reminder email when your books were due but you still have to pay the late fees.
• Yes, I know how to spell Dan Brown's last name.
• I don't know what rock you were living under but the rest of the world has known about The Hunger Games for a while and therefore there is a waiting list.
• Your tax dollars do NOT pay for my salary. You don't even own a home here.
• I know you didn't know there was a no cell phone policy on the 2nd floor. That's why I am telling you about it.